


Mischief Managed Yr 2 Part 2: The Truth of the Tournament

by SecretScorpio9



Series: Mischief Managed [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, James Potter is a Good Friend, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), POV James Potter, POV Peter Pettigrew, POV Remus Lupin, POV Sirius Black, Remus Lupin & James Potter Friendship, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Secrets, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 15:59:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29794338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SecretScorpio9/pseuds/SecretScorpio9
Summary: After the worst Christmas ever Remus is confronted by a host of problems and one extremely confusing letter. Fearing he would never step foot in Hogwarts again Remus finds himself back at the castle he calls home. In returning Remus accepts the fact he may have lost all his friends only to realize that is not the case. But things are never easy for the young werewolf and he struggles to navigate the second half of the year which may prove to be even more draining than the first half! For starters, the tensions between the schools grow as the second Triwizard Task approaches. Also, Remus is forced to sort out his feelings for his friends and finds himself making some tough decisions regarding his relationships. With budding new friendships and well as strained old ones Remus discovers that he hardly gets any time alone. However when he is alone the questions Remus has about every aspect of his life overwhelm him so perhaps the constant company is a good thing.. even if it does leave him completely drained. Only one persistent question keeps haunting him along with familiar and distinctly unpleasant dreams. A question that Remus slowly begins to piece together.What exactly happened to him when Greyback kidnapped him?
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans, Sirius Black & Regulus Black, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter
Series: Mischief Managed [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1361701
Comments: 6
Kudos: 19





	1. Damn Feelings…

Chapter 1/2: Damn Feelings…

TW: Drinking

Patricia slammed her bottle of Beetle Berry Whiskey down on the bedside table. The burgundy bottle still had shredded evidence of the sticky label on it which Patricia had scraped off in case one of her roommates entered.

Not that anyone within a few-foot radius could miss the smell of the strong alcoholic beverage that she had been consuming steadily for the past hour. Patricia stumbled over the window forcing it open with a great more deal of a struggle than it usually took her. Looking down over the grounds she caught a glimpse of a couple walking with their arms entwines.

DAMMIT!

Last night had been a shit show with a reprieve of mild interest when Dumbledore announced someone had been hurt because of the Whomping Willow. Patricia knew she should have skipped the whole thing only part of her had hoped she could rise above her predicament. Sure, going with the smooth talker and sort of cute guy from ( Braesalts? ) had been pleasant enough. But it hadn't stopped her eyes from following a certain person across the dance floor dancing with someone that she desperately wished had been her.

Thinking about that person caused Patricia to decide against stopping her methodical draining of the powerful liquid. Rather, for good measure of obliterating any thought of last night and of 'that person' in particular, she decided to drink more. Patricia took another swig enjoying the tingly burning sensation down her throat that had become almost as addictive to her as the effects of the alcohol itself.

Please stop it. You'll kill yourself drinking like that.

She ignored the voice in her head knowing exactly who it sounded like and refusing to give any more thought to 'that person'.

Unlovable. Unladylike. Undignified.

"Well fuck you, grandpa," she screamed smashing the bottle that unfortunately had still been in her hand onto the floor. Luckily she had enchanted the damn thing, she knew herself well enough and she was not about to waste a drop of the precious liquid that she personally believed to be her only hope dulling the throbbing pain in her chest.

Not only had the dance been a scummy shit show but before the dance had been downright depressing. Something inside her cold heart fluttered remembering the helpless look on little Lupin's face. He was normally so put together and the dark look in his eyes had reminded her far too much of a much smaller version of herself burning mounds of letters from her backstabbing mother who she hadn't seen since.

"Throwing yourself a pity party again," came the snooty voice of Charleen.

"You would know about all about pity party's wouldn't you," Patricia shot back feeling proud of herself as Charleen turned an ugly puce color and crossed her arms over her chest, her perfectly manicured nails glittering with an obnoxious amount of glitter on them.

"I just came to tell you that Ammelia's worried about you. If you don't quit drinking all of us are going to tell."

Patricia stared down at Charleen who thought she was a badass but was about as much of a faker as they came. Patricia disliked Charleen. Well, she disliked most of her roommates.

Come to think of it she disliked most people….

"If you do that Professor Flitch will be finding out you cheated off of that Stewart boy during charms," Patricia said calmly looking at her bitten-down nails as if they were as polished and pretty as Charleen's.

Charleen predictably stomped her foot. The two of them had been in a similar situation multiple times.

"You are rotten Patricia. You are such an awful person. I don't know why Ameelia still considers you a friend."

Neither did she...

"Yep, well sucks for you to be sharing the room with me. Guess you can keep sneaking into Janell's room if you want."

"You've driven everyone away. I heard Ameelia even say she was thinking of sleeping somewhere else tonight. You've been making her uncomfortable," Charleen spat out with all the bitterness the girl had harbored towards Patricia. An unfair amount of bitterness since last year when Patricia had 'stollen' Charleen's boyfriend. In Patricia's defense, she had been testing out the loyalty of the boy and had not expected him to be such a sleazeball, kissing her with hardly any provocation. Only Charleen didn't want to blame him, no she would much rather blame Patricia.

Well, she didn't care.

But Ammelia…...Ammelia was uncomfortable? Something must have shown on Patricia's face since Charleen took a step forward a mean look in her eyes along with a sort of frantic desperation to latch onto this chip in Patricia's usually perfectly controlled demeanor.

Well, fuck her.

"Now why would you care about that? You've made it care you don't give a damn about any of us. You do seem to treat Ammelia a bit differently though…. I wonder why that is. I find that really….odd," Charleen pointed out taking two steps closer to Patricia as if desiring to physically as well as metaphorically back her into a corner.

FUCK!

Patricia weighed her options none of which included being honest with Charleen. Honesty was overrated,…..mostly. The only two people she trusted enough to be herself around were the Prewitt twins, and they had been colder to her recently after her 'stunt with the kids in the forest'. How was she supposed to know the Accromantulas would go apeshit?!

"Why aren't you saying anything? Cat got your tongue?"

Patricia leaned over and threw up onto the ground.

"YUCK! You're so disgusting. Put on some pants and dammit Patricia, wear sunglasses or something... We're all going to get in trouble if one of the prefects realizes you are hungover."

Patricia gave Charleen the finger as she stormed off. Patricia was very grateful to her younger self for making Charleen and the rest of her roommates conspirators in her smuggling of alcohol so that they could not tell on her. It was just some harmless drinking now and then. No matter what Ammelia thought she did not have a problem.

She took a step forgetting she had just hurled and waved her wand intent on cleaning up only to set one of the dresses hanging up on the door from last night on fire.

Crap. Ok, so maybe she was hungover. Maybe she had a 'slight' problem. One tended to drink when faced with unreciprocated love. A pounding headache and inability to focus seemed a small price to pay. The lack of friends her drinking led to was a slightly bigger problem but it's not as if Patricia was good at keeping friends anyways so who could really say if that was the booze or purely her.

She will never come back if you keep behaving like this...

"Piss off," she grumbled to herself. 'She' wasn't coming back no matter what Patricia did. Years of heartache and desperation had made that plain.

A knock came on the door and Patricia's stomach did a backflip, quickly snagging the pair of sunglasses she had recently become accustomed to wearing inside. There was only one of her roommates who still respected her enough not to just barge in and start cursing her out. She felt like she might throw up again and whisked her wand making the half-consumed by flames dress smolder. She wasn't ready to confront this, wasn't ready to confront her useless crappy feelings.

"Excuse me? Um….Ms. Rakeburn?"

Patricia didn't pause to figure out who the voice belonged as she was just so damn relieved it didn't belong to who she thought it had belonged to. And….a bit disappointed.

"Yeah what's up?" she asked, opening the door realizing a little too late that she hadn't put on pants yet. She looked at the little redhead who wrinkled her nose and had an appropriately uneasy posture about her.

Good, rotten little children should know better than to bother her while she was hungover, even if they were too young to grasp the full implications of such a thing.

"Um...never mind….." the girl replied with an apologetic tone since Patricia was all but sending out waves of unfriendliness that she imagined were the invisible force that succeeded in keeping people at arm's length from her. Patricia was about to close the door in the little girl's face when she suddenly recognized who was outside her door.

"This is about my boys isn't it?" Patrica grumbled annoyed that she hadn't placed a name to the girl that really could have been her sister they looked so similar. But the physical appearance was where the similarities ended. Unless Lily Evans was here to confront Patricia about her lately noticeable drinking this must have something to do with The Marauders.

"Would you….be willing to sit with Sirius for a bit….he's….very upset," Lily explained still looking like she might turn away and flee from Patricia at any second. Sirius, huh? Well, the dumbass shouldn't have dropped his date at the dance last night. It was weird he would be upset about that though. Patricia thought Sirius had seemed ok but she supposed she had been staring at someone else a little too much to notice.

"Pfft, dance didn't go well huh? Well, at least those squirts got to go. Have James or Remus babysit him. I'm busy." Patricia rolled her eyes more than a little annoyed that Lily thought she was some sort of babysitter. Was she really appearing that close to the Marauders?

Dammit, she would have to change that. But the boys were fun and still useful….

"I thought they were your friends. You're at the very least their mentor or something, aren't you?"

Mentor? There was a word Patricia would never get used to being associated with her. She was less of a mentor and more of a 'bad influence'. But she supposed mentor could work…

"Why do you care so much anyway Ms. Evans, I know Black isn't your friend," Patricia challenged; it was her curiosity to find out why Ms. Evans of all people was concerned about Sirius which was the only thing that kept her from slamming the door on the girl.

"Remus is," Lily stated with a trembling frown, the girls' finger predictably twisting around a bright red strand of hair. What a stupidly obvious tell.

Then the implication of Lily's statement hit Patricia like a brick to the gut and she had to swallow down more vomit. Being hungover was the worst!

This was certainly an inconvenience.

"Remus, what the hell did you get yourself into this time," Patricia thought to herself but not even her hangover nor the replenished alcohol in her body could make her forget the helpless look of the distraught boy last night. Even the sips of whiskey she had given him had done little to remove the haunted look that had stayed in his eyes, the despondent boy not even rising to her challenge at chess which usually cheered him up some. If it was anyone else she would have discarded them, but Remus who reminded her so damn much of herself….so much of that broken-hearted little girl yearning agonizingly for love…

She should have hated Remus Lupin for it but instead, she found herself caring about him with a sincerity she never would have expected from herself. Her protective feelings for the small boy were entirely problematic and were getting in the way of her plans for the boys but try as she might she couldn't stop it. Worse the infection of care had seemed to spread to the other snot-nosed Marauders as well….

Dammit!

Authors Note:

I know there were several things left unsolved in part 1 and I just wanted to assure you that other than the obvious one of Sirius and Remus' relationship hanging in the balance I have not forgotten the following:

Ryan (I know most of you love him and I promise there will be more of him in the future)

The letter that Remus got from his father (I know you've been curious about this one for a while)

The Triwizard Tournament (It's taken a back burner with all the Marauder drama but it will be a big part of part two ;P )

Remus' dragon egg that was given to him when the visitor schools arrived

The bunny Remus got on Christmas and was then burned to a crisp by Sirius ^^ (we probably won't find out about this one for a while but anything that appears much later will be (hopefully cleverly) recapped for you all in case you've forgotten)

Literally all the things Sirius wants to talk to Remus about XD


	2. Chapter One: The Price of Shame

"SIRIUS BLACK!" Lily yelled never more upset with one of "The Marauders," as Remus had explained they called themselves than she currently was. She slammed her palm on the table where James and Sirius were sitting expecting to be met with defensiveness or a stupid attempt at feigning innocence.

But Sirius hardly reacted, not even looking at her. She was taken aback, not about to feel anything but outrage towards the Black who must have had something to do with Remus leaving in the dead of night as she had heard from Marlene who had heard from Peter who had been quite upset about it.

"What did you do?" she demanded thinking this sort of silent treatment was a new diversion tactic in an attempt to escape Lily's rage.

But she still didn't get a response. Hating she had to make eye contact with James, she looked for an explanation. Once more she expected this to be a hoax or some new game. She was sure James would be looking downcast as well but she just knew that any minute the two of them would go off about the strangest buzzing sound or the weirdest feeling a ghost was trying to communicate with them while pointedly ignoring her. Oh yes, that would be just like the pair of idiots.

Only that's not what this was as she quickly realized, finding neither a failed attempt at hiding amusement nor the sort of puppy-dog excitement she had been growing accustomed to finding in James' eyes. Instead, he stared at her with a horrible loss expression that made her stomach drop.

"What did you do Black?" she asked again this time in a horrified whisper.

"Lily...don't…" James spoke up slightly, the bags under his eyes making his messy hair seem even worse this morning. Maybe they were hungover that would also be like them, anything was better than what she was quickly fearing had happened last night.

Of all nights, last night?

Remus had already seemed so upset after the Davey incident and Lily had truly thought she had convinced him it was not his fault. At least she had believed Remus when he told her his ankle was hurting and he wanted to return to the dorm for the night.

Lily had retired a bit later and climbed the stairs to check on Remus, wanting to make sure he wasn't still foolishly beating himself up. She had knocked and then, though she wouldn't admit it to a soul, peaked into the boy's dorm, only to find it empty. A bad feeling had started forming but she had convinced herself that since James and Sirius were gone the two had probably dragged Remus into some sort of reckless adventure and or mischief. Then finding Peter sad about being left out she had become even more convinced of what she thought had happened. That meant that she had been a tad bit disappointed in Remus for forgetting about Peter but she also realized Remus might still be quite upset about the Whomping Willow tree attacking Davey.

But now…..now finding James and Sirius both looking like death she immediately knew what had happened and strongly resisted the urge to slap Sirius Black!

"How can you take his side? You promise James Potter?" she snapped angry tears already forming. She would never trust stupid James about anything ever again.

"I don't!" James retorted quickly, a sharp edge to his tone that made her realize he wasn't lying. There was a seriousness to his gaze, a sort of blazing protectiveness in them that made her look away feeling a slight flutter in her gut. Of course, James wouldn't betray Remus like that, she knew James had many flaws but that being unfaithful to his friends wasn't one of them.

"Then…..why are you sitting with him?" she asked, forcing disgust into her voice since she wasn't about to hint to James she might find his love for his friends endearing.

"It's hard to be mad at him when he just….sits there…...not eating not drinking…...damn….," James mumbled, burying his face in his hands where Lily suspected he was crying.

Bracing herself Lily knelt by the table peering up at Sirius' face which was tear-stained, his eyes unfocused.

"Sirius…..what happened?" she asked gently, touching his fist consolingly that she now realized was clenched very tight. Sirius leapt up startling her, nearly knocking the table over.

"DON'T!" Sirius snarled and she was stunned before realizing the hate in his eyes wasn't directed at her. "I don't deserve to be consoled Evans," he replied bitterly before sitting back down in the same posture as if he had never moved. She looked at James unsure what to do and the boy gave a slight shake of his head, his eyes indeed glistening with tears.

Not particularly wanting to talk to James alone but seeing no other way to get the answers she needed she cleared her throat hoping that the current mood of James would keep him from taking her request the wrong way.

"James can you take a walk with me?" she asked part of her hoping James would break into a goofy hopeful grin or wink at her because the lost look directed at her was unnerving.

"...I can't leave him alone….," James whispered, sounding regretful and worried.

Lily did indeed think James had a point because with Sirius's outburst and the blazing hate that must indeed be directed at himself she wasn't quite sure what he'd do.

"What about Peter?"

"He's…...uh….not talking to us….?"

"Why?"

"He thinks…...it's…...our fault….," James explained with a choked voice quickly burying his face in his hands. Lily sighed heavily wondering what to do about these two distraught boys, feeling oddly protective over them despite their brief and often unpleasant interactions.

It's because she knew they cared so deeply about Remus, they were his family and since Lily was also Remus' family it tied them together in a sort of strange way.

Even Sirius cared about Remus and while she was sure he had hurt her friend badly she was also sure he was inflicting more internal pain to himself over it than she ever could.

"I see," she replied softly, racking her brain for a solution because if she didn't get James alone to explain what had happened soon she was going to start worrying even more than she already was.

Realizing there was another person who could babysit Sirius she walked upstairs and after grabbing her winter cloak went to the fifth year floor.

"Excuse me? Um….Ms. Rakeburn?" she asked knocking on the door not entirely sure how she felt about Patricia but she knew that she was friends with the boys which was all that mattered at the moment.

"Yeah what's up?" Patricia asked, opening the door still in her PJs with a pair of sunglasses covering her eyes. Lily wrinkled her nose at the smell of alcohol realizing this had been a bad idea.

"Um...never mind….."

"This is about my boys isn't it?" Patricia asked with a great deal of irritation that Lily wasn't sure to find amusing or concerning.

"Would you….be willing to sit with Sirius for a bit….he's….very upset," she explained trying not to feel so intimidated by the teenager who gave off such a strong impression of not caring at all of what people thought about her that it was hard not to feel nervous around her.

"Pfft dance didn't go well huh? Well, at least those squirts got to go. Have James or Remus babysit him. I'm busy." Patricia declared with a tone that clearly said 'your problem, not mine' A tone which Lily didn't like at all.

"I thought they were your friends. You're at the very least their mentor or something, aren't you?" Lily challenged, and Patricia looked down at her over the ridiculous sunglasses she was wearing inside.

"Why do you care so much anyway Ms. Evans, I know Black isn't your friend."

"Remus is," Lily replied coolly, watching with satisfaction as Patricia's demeanor changed, true concern flashing across her eyes before she firmly pushed her sunglasses back up her nose.

"What happened? Did his dad do something else?"

Lily was a bit surprised by the care in Patricia's voice but she supposed Remus had that effect on people, it was hard not to care about someone so kind...and hurt. But she was confused about Patricia mentioning Remus' dad, although now that she thought about it Remus hadn't mentioned him much…..

"I don't know, but he went home and Sirius is upset," Lily explained carefully, realizing she had no idea how much Patricia knew or not. Remus had only ever mentioned James knowing but since her friend didn't talk about himself much and about his lycanthropy even less Lily supposed someone else could know. However, she would be quite surprised if Patricia was that someone, as she didn't think she was particularly that close with the boys.

"Dammit! Alright lemme get dressed and I'll be right there, now scram," she briskly shooed Lily closing the door. As Lily walked away bristling from how rude Patricia was she heard crude swearing coming from the older student's room and wondered if Patricia had a screw loose...

Going back downstairs Lily was both relieved and saddened to find James and Sirius in the exact same position as she had left them in. Only as she walked toward them Frank Longbottom reached them first, the older boy crouching down at the table and speaking to them quietly.

"What's going on boys?"

"Sorry, Frank….bit of….a late night…." James explained doing a truly atrocious job of lying, what with tears still in his eyes. Obviously, Frank wasn't convinced.

"How about you two come up to my room and we can get you guys some tea and biscuits yeah? I don't want to make you feel bad but you're causing quite a stir and your fellow Gryffindors are worried about you."

"Actually Frank I'd like to speak to James first then he'll be right up. Also, Patricia will be around shortly," Lily explained confidently as if she had any idea how to help James feel better! She wasn't even entirely sure she wanted to make him feel better, it depended on what part he had to play in how last night had turned into such an unmitigated disaster. Frank looked surprised but nodded, checking in with James if that was ok with him. James nodded his agreement looking like he had no life left in him.

"Alright, we'll wait for you. Come on Sirius," Frank said sweetly, gently touching Sirius' shoulder.

"Don't fucking touch me!" Sirius shouted angrily, quickly on his feet and storming upstairs before anyone could think to stop him.

"I'm….I'm so sorry…" Frank stammered, taken aback and truly worried he had somehow made things worse.

"It's not your fault Frank, he's just having a tough time. Perhaps,...wait to talk to Sirius again until Patricia comes downstairs?" Lily suggested since she didn't think poor sweet Frank stood a chance against the angry storm cloud that was Sirius.

Frank nodded looking grateful for her suggestion and turned his attention to James.

"Anything I can get you, James?"

James shook his head sniffling and Lily felt her heart go out to him against her better judgment. But she figured it was safe to feel bad instead of angry because she couldn't imagine James doing anything on purpose to hurt Remus. Then again…..she wouldn't have exactly pictured it from Sirius either….

"Alright, but how about we go flying later? I'll get special permission from McGonagall, I bet you can't beat me in a race," Frank offered, actually getting James to crack a hint of a smile that he seemed to take heart in.

"Ok."

"Great! Prepared to get your butt kicked," Frank replied, wisely playing on James' commonly known competitive streak.

James' smile increased a bit more, though there were still tears running down his cheeks.

"We'll see about that."

Frank chuckled then walked past Lily to meet up with Patricia who was hopping down the stairs while pulling her last wool sock onto her foot. Lily gently grabbed James' hand who offered no protest as she pulled him to his feet and out of the dorm leaving Sirius to the older students. Because even if Sirius didn't think he deserved comfort, and was probably right about that, Lily was certain he still needed to be comforted.

Lily led James outside so she could talk privately to him. She had been holding his hand since he didn't seem entirely with it and she had convinced herself James was too sad to be enjoying this. However, if she found out later James was bragging and exaggerating to his friends about this, well it had been quite a while since she last used a bat bogey hex on him.

"Now explain Potter," she sighed letting go of James' hand looking around to make sure they were alone.

"He won't tell anyone Lily I got him to agree to that much," James quickly explained, and Lily bit back a gasp, horrified at herself that she hadn't even stopped to consider that option.

"I thought he wasn't supposed to find out until later today? What happened?" she asked again forcing herself to be patient with the sniffling boy though she was anything but.

"Oh, Lily it was horrible just...the bloody worst. And now Remus is gone and Sirius seems completely broke and I don't know what to do!" James cried out in distress and with some careful prompting and a longer hug than Lily had ever thought she'd give a one James Potter, Lily eventually got the entire story out of him.

"Are you sure he went home?'' she asked, very much able to picture Remus hiding in some secret passage that the boys didn't think she knew they explored against the rules, crying and all alone.

But then she supposed if he went home he might get some comfort from his father?

"Yeah….well…...actually no…..Peter said…..when he was still talking to us that is….that Remus was really upset, told Peter he wanted to go home and went to Dumbledore's fireplace because his fireplace is the only one you can use floo to leave in."

"Well then have you checked in with Dumbledore?"

"...yeah….yeah he said Remus was fine….was with his dad," James explained but something about the way he said it made Lily think he didn't believe the headmaster….which was quite odd.

"Well then ask if you can go visit him! Perhaps you can persuade him to come back?"

"...that…...that might work…...I reckon Dumbledore would let me try anyways…." James looked up at her and finally, she saw a hint of the puppy-dog excitement in them which made her feel torn between annoyance and relief. "You're brilliant Lily."

"I know Potter," she replied smugly, smirking as he gaped at her. "I know."


	3. Chapter Two: A Father's Love

Chapter Two: A Father's Love

Remus woke up, for one blissful moment thinking he was at Hogwarts before realizing he was in his bed back home as the events of last night threatened to throw him into despair all over again.

Last night he had somehow made it into Dumbledore's study, the headmaster still at the dance, and Remus was now very worried that maybe he was now expelled since he had used the headmaster's stash of floo without permission. Then again….maybe being expelled wasn't the worse thing.

Then he'd never have to face Sirius Black again.

Remus clutched his chest and curled into a ball crying. Realizing he had his mother's quilt draped over him he buried his face into it thankful his father had placed it over with him.

His dad!

Remus started crying harder, not entirely sure why he hadn't been thrown out of the house yet, disowned, or worse... sent to his uncle's for 're-education'. Perhaps his dad knew that he had already learned his lesson?

Of course, when he had stumbled through the fire he hadn't been sure what to expect. He shouldn't have been surprised to find his dad gone and the house in a horrible state of disarray. Remus had cried in front of the fireplace for a bit before forcing himself to clean, figuring if he could show his dad how useful he was his dad might not disown him when he realized what Remus had done and how badly Remus had messed up.

He certainly was a monster.

"Remus are you awake?"

He heard his father call from the kitchen and he quickly pulled the blanket over his head as he listened to his father walk over and peek inside his room. He heard a very heavy sigh as his father quietly cracked the door before his father's footsteps signaled he had walked away.

All he caused was trouble….such immense trouble!

As Remus had cleaned the house last night, or tried to through his tears, he had been given the needed time to reflect on all the mistakes he had made. Plenty of time to reflect on the stupidity he had displayed. How stupid he had even been to simply believe that he could have friends that would accept him.

How foolish he had been!

Of course last night his father had entered wand drawn since Remus had been a selfish horrible child and didn't even consider his father might be alarmed to find the lamps lit. As soon as his father realized it was him though he had put away his wand.

"Remus! What are you doing here? Oh….this place is a mess….I didn't….didn't know you were coming home. I mean I'm glad you did only I….." Then his dad realized Remus was crying. "What's wrong?"

Hearing his dad actually happy to find him home, broke the last of Remus' resolve to explain what had happened to his dad calmly.

"DAD!" he wailed, sounding like a small child as he lost all the strength to stand and crashed to the floor along with several dishes he had been attempting to wash.

"Remus! Reparo. What is wrong with you? Be careful!" his father scolded, coming over to where Remus was hunched on the floor sobbing, the overflowing sink spilling water on the floor, a perfect example of what a disaster, what a failure he was.

"Remus this water is scalding. Get up, get up right now!" his father shouted at him, yanking Remus to his feet and away from the water that hadn't felt all that hot to him. He watched through tears as his father turned off the water and cast a spell to set the mop sliding across the now wet flood.

"What happened Remus?" his father asked sharply, standing in front of his crying son.

"Dad, I messed up, I did something horrible, I'm so sorry I'm so so sorry!" Remus sobbed almost collapsing unto the floor again, his legs shaking so badly, but his father gripped his arm tightly holding him up.

"Stop crying! YOU NEED to have better control over your emotions than this Remus. We've talked about this. Here, sit before you fall and hurt yourself again. Take a few deep breaths, there you go, now explain to me calmly what happened."

So Remus clenched his fists until his palms bled and bit his tongue until his mouth tasted like copper but managed to stop crying as his father had requested. He knew his father was right, a monster like him didn't get the right to cry and make a mess of himself. He had to stay in control... had to always be in control.

"...he found out…." Remus attempted to explain, swallowing the blood as horror blossomed across his father's face which had gone deathly pale. His hands shot out gripping Remus very tightly.

"WHO!?"

"One of my fr…...classmates…." Remus stammered the anger in his father's voice, expected but still scary.

"We talked about this Remus! How could you have let this happen? After all, your mother and I have done to keep you safe!"

Then his father released him brandishing his wand and moving furniture so that it blocked the door. He had also made quick work of killing the fireplace, sending an explosion of bricks to completely demolish it. Remus wanted to tell his dad they didn't have to worry about the ministry arriving but he wasn't entirely sure he could... Instead, he curled up biting another deep indent into his tongue to keep himself from sobbing again. Inhaling and exhaling he sat there shaking until his father shouted angrily at him to gather his things.

Surprised his father was trying to harbor him away instead of just letting the ministry possibly take Remus like he would deserve he staggered off the sofa unsure what to gather.

"DAMMIT REMUS! HURRY THEY COULD BE HERE ANY MINUTE," his father had roared objects flying around the house. Remus had started heading to his room when a chair floating haphazardly had hit him and sent him falling with a thump.

After that things had been a bit hazy but then Remus remembered his father shouting at him then going dead silent as a knock on the door came.

"Remus, go hide yourself, now." his father ordered with a quiet dangerousness about him. As Remus struggled to do so, head throbbing, he could no longer hold the tears back at witnessing his dad who MUST care about him if he was truly preparing to standoff against the ministry. And there was no mistaking the dueling stance his father was taking as Remus peeked through the crack in the door of the closet he hid in.

Remus touched his head trying to remember what had happened next. His father hadn't managed to fight off the ministry official, had he? No, Remus was pretty sure it had just been one person? ...But why were they still home?

Remus threw his mother's quilt off him making sure they weren't in a new similar-looking shack. But looking out his window he saw the large tree with a birdhouse hanging from it just where he remembered placing it.

Then he remembered who it had actually been.

His father had been ready to fight for him and that would be something Remus would never forget even if it made him feel terribly guilty. He would never complain about his dad again because his dad must love him, why else would he be willing to hide Remus and fight for him instead of giving up? There was no other explanation Remus could think of.

But it hadn't been the ministry coming to investigate, to possibly take him away for daring to pretend to be anything but the beast he was. Instead, it had been Dumbledore.

"Mr. Lupin, I do believe something is wrong with your fireplace. However I have reason to believe Remus is home, is that true?"

Lyall Lupin had all but collapsed speaking up in a shaky voice that yes Remus was here. Remus thought about going over to his dad but he hadn't given Remus permission to come out so he didn't. Plus his dad still seemed understandably upset and Remus didn't want his father yelling at him in front of Dumbledore even if he knew he deserved it. He didn't want his dad getting in trouble because the headmaster had gotten the wrong idea or something.

"May I come in Mr. Lupin?"

"I'll come outside."

"That's fine Mr. Lupin but I need to hear from Remus that he's ok."

"Are you really insinuating that I'd…." Remus' dad shouted in outrage.

"Please, Mr. Lupin. I see no reason why you can't comply with a worried old man's request." Dumbledore's remaining calm had somehow kept his dad from losing it though it looked like Lyall had come pretty close to doing so. Remus' dad had then told Remus to speak up.

"I….I'm here sir….er…. Professor Dumbledore. I'm alright my dad's just scared," Remus replied shakily.

"I understand Remus, thank you," Dumbledore had replied kindly and Remus almost got the feeling the headmaster could see him somehow.

"Now that I've proven to you I'm not some heinous man," his father had replied curtly, and then the next thing Remus knew he was gone with a crack, having apparated outside.

Remus remembered that he had waited, his eyes getting heavier and the next thing he realized he had cried himself to sleep in the cramped closet.

He waited until he was sure he wouldn't start sobbing then slowly sat up in bed wondering if he still had a school to return to, wondering if he even wanted to return.

"D…...dad?" he called hesitantly, unsure if trying to stand right now would be a good idea, he felt far too shaky and faint. When was the last time he'd eaten? Remus's stomach complained in reply as his father opened the door looking as haggard as Remus felt.

"Breakfast?" his father asked awkwardly holding up a bowl of oatmeal. Remus nodded unsure what to say as his father came in and almost sat next to Remus on the bed before seeming to think differently. So perhaps his father loved him but was still afraid of him?

"Eat, we can talk when you're done."

"Sirius didn't tell then?" Remus asked frantically, unable to keep back the question any longer. He saw anger flash through his father's eye and flinched.

"No, and Dumbledore has assured me he won't."

Remus wanted to ask the natural follow-up question, 'am I allowed back at Hogwarts,' but a lump had formed in his throat and he couldn't get the words out. Instead, he nodded and ducked his head scooping a spoonful of oatmeal into his mouth to get his stomach to shut up.

His father left his room again offering no reassurances and Remus felt far too sick to eat more than a few bites, waiting for his father to return. As he waited he strained his ears to listen for the sound of more than one person in the house, terrified his uncle was out there with his father.

Minutes passed by before his dad appeared again frowning at the small amount Remus had eaten.

"Not hungry…," Remus mumbled in explanation as his stomach let out another mournful cry. Remus' dad shook his head but didn't force the matter.

"We need to talk."

"I'm sorry….I'm really sorry," Remus began, a hysterical pleading sound to his apologies.

"Remus, I know you're sorry but that doesn't change the fact that you weren't careful enough. What if this happens again?"

"It won't!"

"Remus how can you be sure?"

Because I'll never let myself think I can have friends again?

But deep down Remus knew there was still James and Lily...well Lily, he wouldn't want to come in between James and Sirius. Or maybe he already had? Tears stung his eyes as he remembered James' serious declaration he'd take Remus' side. But would he really? Sirius was James' best friend, Remus simply couldn't imagine him staying mad at him long.

"I…... I learned my lesson…..I'll be more careful…."

"Will this boy bully you?"

"No," he replied quickly, too quickly, knowing technically Sirius already sort of had in the past and it was an all too likely possibility he would again. But Remus didn't care, well he did, but he had realized he did want to go back to Hogwarts. He wanted to go back so bad it hurt!

"Remus Lupin!"

Remus flinched at his father's tone.

"...if he does I'll say something right away."

His father seemed to be considering this, taking a deep breath.

"Dumbledore has explained to me the….hassle you dropping out halfway through the year would cause as he would have to report it to the ministry and it's possible someone hearing your name might recognize it from….the information they have on you even though that file is supposed to stay secret until you turn of age," his father explained sternly and Remus nodded trying not to look too hopeful. "He has also assured me that if this...that this Sirius fellow will not say anything and that he has the means to make it so he physically cannot speak of it."

Remus nodded again wondering with a pang if Dumbledore had to go that far. Would Sirius have told the ministry if he physically could? Would there be hate in Sirius' eyes directed at him?

"Then….I suppose…...you can at least finish the year. We'll reassess next year this summer. Just stay away from this….what was his name again…..er this Sirius boy."

"Alright," Remus replied carefully, realizing his father must not realize Sirius was one of his roommates. Dumbledore clearly hadn't divulged that information. Why?

"But I want you to stay here for the rest of the break," his father added sharply and Remus nodded, figuring putting some space between him and Sirius couldn't hurt.

"I'm sorry Dad…." he whispered, wanting his dad to forgive him.

"I know," Lyall replied coolly, "Start packing. I'm going to scout out a new place for us. Do not let anyone in. I'll be back, but I am very disappointed in you Remus."

Then his dad started leaving and Remus felt a sort of panicky fear over what his dad would do with him now take over him.

"Do you hate me now?" he cried out and for one horrible heart-wrenching second he thought his father was going to leave without answer, his father's hand on Remus' door tensing considerably.

"Why would you ask that?" his father asked with a strange emotion in his voice Remus couldn't place, his back still to him.

"I'm sorry," Remus sobbed knowing he had asked a dumb question because of course his father hated him. If he hadn't before Remus had messed up so badly he certainly did now.

"Remus….I know…..I'm not good with feelings…..I don't say it enough…..but I love you so ...so very much. I couldn't stand it if something were to happen to you. That's why I'm so harsh on you….you…..you know that right?"

The choked sound of the words stunned Remus making him realize his father meant it! Remus covered his mouth with shaky hands suppressing a loud sob. His dad loved him! His dad really truly loved him!

"Mhm," he mumbled, knowing if he tried to speak his father would hear the brokenness in his voice and it would make him feel worse. Remus' dad let out a heavy sigh gripping the door so tight Remus wouldn't have been surprised if it left an indent.

"I'm sorry," his father said, sounding devastated though why his father was apologizing to him Remus wasn't sure. But before Remus could reply the awkward man left the house and left his son to his tears and confusion.

…..But also….also to a sort of bright, giddy feeling at actually hearing his dad say that he loved him which Remus Lupin held onto very tightly!

..............

AN: As we all know Remus' birthday is March 10th! In celebration of his birthday, I will be updating an extra-long chapter on the 10th. I want to take this time to thank all my wonderful readers for their support and kind comments for this series. I so enjoy reading through all the reviews and comments :D


	4. Chapter Three: The Magic of Corbyn

Chapter Three: The Magic of Corbyn

TW: Mentions of Abuse

James had felt a little better after talking to Lily a few days ago. He was planning to ask Dumbledore if he could visit Remus…...when the time was right to. James also felt a little better after having Frank console him. The older boy had been concerned, only knowing there was some bad fight amongst the Marauders, and had taken him flying and racing. A race James obviously won.

But Sirius was another matter entirely. A matter that was causing the moments in which James felt better to be brief and which was preventing him from asking Dumbledore if he could visit Remus or not. James knew if Dumbledore said 'no' that he wouldn't be able to hold it together for his friend anymore.

James wanted to be mad with his friend because all of this was honestly Sirius' fault but it was hard to get angry at his friend when Sirius' actions, or lack thereof, was making him feel nothing but concern.

Whatever Patricia and Frank had said to Sirius did seem to calm him down some, he didn't fly off the handle exclaiming angrily at the smallest thing anymore which was certainly an improvement. But Sirius didn't get out of bed, or eat, or talk much at all, and after three days of this James' worry was through the roof.

"James, what do we do? He needs to eat something," Peter pointed out having given up on his silent treatment of James who had explained to Peter he was not at fault for why Remus left. Although…..part of him did feel some responsibility. Of course, Peter was still upset at James for not explaining what had happened to Remus. Peter was convinced he was being left out of something big….which he was. But James couldn't handle another person finding out about Remus and while he knew Peter would need to be included eventually James wasn't sure how Peter would take it, surely a hell of a lot better than Sirius. Besides, James knew it needed to be Remus' decision on when Peter found out.

Luckily, or perhaps unluckily, Peter's concern for Sirius won out over his anger with his friends. In fact, Sirius was causing such a stir that Patricia had suggested taking Sirius to the matron, uncharacteristically worried about him. However, Frank had explained that it was ok to let Sirius have a few days to be sad. Since James liked that idea more he followed Frank's advice figuring the matron wouldn't be too happy with Sirius either. If she knew? Surely she knew about Remus which brought James some comfort since he had seen Madam Pomfrey's care for Remus. In fact, the matron's behavior towards Remus made more sense now and James was sure the matron being accepting of Remus' condition could only be a positive thing...well maybe not for Sirius...

"I think we'll need to tell an adult after all Peter," James concluded sadly. He knew Dumbledore had talked to Sirius, and apparently Professor Corbyn.

James had been sure that they were going to get suspended or even expelled when the headmaster had suddenly appeared in the shack that awful night. But the old man had merely asked politely if they knew where Remus was and instructed them to meet him in his office for tea and a late-night chat before disappearing again. By the time Jade had gotten the silent and sad Sirius with him the headmaster had already been to see Remus and had been able to assure them that he was unharmed and would be coming back to Hogwarts if he wished. James was glad to hear this, very glad since part of his worry had been if Remus would be in trouble and if his dad had hurt him. But Sirius hadn't even responded to that!

Dumbledore had asked James for his version of events, glancing at Sirius with worry a few times, though managing to keep most of his attention on James who had kept the explanation brief. He knew that Sirius was in a really bad place since when James had admitted to the headmaster that he had known the truth about Remus for a while now Sirius hadn't even reacted to that!

Then the headmaster had asked James to let him talk to Sirius alone for a bit and had assured him everything would be ok and that he should head back to bed. On his way out James had run into Professor Corbyn who had looked troubled.

"...please….get through to him, professor….please…..: James had pleaded to the kind professor who had replied earnestly he would do his best and encouraged James to come to talk to him in the next few days as well. Knowing Sirius was in the best hands possible James had returned to the dorm, but of course hadn't been able to sleep. Before he could even try to, Peter had confronted him. Then upon realizing James wasn't going to explain further than 'Remus and Sirius had gotten into a row', and had retreated to his bed furiously. James had sat on his bed doing nothing but thinking and fretting for hours until Sirius returned. But Sirius had been about as pleasant to James as Peter had been to him. It was supposed to be James mad at him not the other way around!

But other than a 'piss off Potter' Sirius had retreated to his bed and James would have been furious with him if he hadn't immediately heard the muffled sobs that followed.

At that point though he had figured Sirius would be feeling better in the morning, chastised and appropriately upset at himself but not…...not this scary sort of hopelessness that James had no idea how to combat. The few times James had gotten more than grunts or earlier on the outbursts of anger all Sirius had said was that 'he won't be friends with me anymore' and 'he must hate me now.' This helped convince James that Sirius would indeed accept Remus but no matter how he tried to convince Sirius that there was no way Remus would hate him it didn't seem to work.

So Peter and James had played nursemaid to Sirius which didn't at all seem fair but was in fact necessary. They managed to get the tiniest amount of soup into their friend before he had rushed off to the bathroom to throw up, but at least they had been successful in getting him to drink something.

James hadn't known grief and guilt could make someone physically sick and he wondered if that was why Remus seemed as sick as he did, or if that was in fact only because of the lycanthropy.

"Can you hear me James?" Peter asked, sounding nervous and James realized he had been zoning out again, lost in his thoughts over and over, trying to find a solution for their problem with Sirius other than waiting or telling an adult.

"Sorry Peter…...haven't been sleeping well," he mumbled, rubbing his eyes which he knew had bags under them.

"I asked who we should tell?"

It only took James a second to decide.

"Professor Corbyn."

"Why him?" Peter asked surprised and James could have kicked himself for how utterly stupid he was.

"Well….because he's a decent bloke of course. You know McGonnagal would somehow find a way to deduct points," although James knew from first year she could be compassionate as well though it seemed a bit….odd on the normally strict professor. "And….well Sirius doesn't like the man much so he might be able to get a rise out of him," he added applauding himself silently on the save as Peter nodded as if that made perfect sense.

"You stay with him and I'll go get him," James explained, taking off before Peter could offer to go instead. Neither of them particularly liked hanging around Sirius when all he was doing was laying in bed...

Going down into the common room James ran into Patricia.

"How's he doing?" she asked, trying to sound unconcerned but James knew she was in fact quite concerned.

"About the same, I'm going to let one of the professor's know."

"About time you dolt! What were you going to just let him waste away up there?"

James shook his head not having the energy to feel offended and tried to walk past her only for her to stop him.

"Any word about Remus? He doing ok with his old man?"

James wasn't sure if Patricia knew Remus' dad was abusive or just suspected, but either way he kept the explanation short that Remus would be back and seemed fine. Patricia thought they had heard from Remus via owl since James was sure telling her the headmaster had gone to make sure Remus was ok would definitely make her suspect something was wrong.

"Good. Well let me know when Sirius comes to his senses, geez that kid can sure take things hard huh?" she remarked and James gave a noncommittal shrug before she let him pass. He walked through the halls deep in thought about his friends. He knew a lot of Gryffindors felt Sirius was being ridiculous for being so upset about a row between friends.

Fortunately James had heard whispers spreading that Sirius Black wasn't just upset about that but because he had gotten in trouble for being rude to his 'date'. It was both a plausible lie and something that really anyone could have experienced from their family. After all the Gryffindors didn't need to know how much trouble Sirius would be in when he finally went home, and it kept the focus off Remus for which James was grateful. He suspected Lily had something to do with the tactful misdirection, she really was brilliant, though he figured she wouldn't admit to spreading rumors.

"Professor Corbyn?" James called, knocking on the man's office door hoping he was there. He really hadn't been sleeping much and didn't have the energy to wander the castle looking for him. James knew he wouldn't be enjoying the Christmas break as he had originally fully been expecting to, but also knew he couldn't just go home and abandon Sirius to be consumed by his guilt…..even if it was a bit tempting.

"Professor Corbyn?" he called again, knocking louder.

"One minute Mr. Potter," came a muffled call and James pressed his ear to the door hearing what sounded like a crash. Then the door open and Professor Corbyn stood there looking as put together and as willing to support a student as ever. Convinced he must have heard something drop or whatnot, James quickly entered the professor's office without preamble and began to explain to him in a torrent how badly Sirius was doing, taking comfort in the flames that seemed to calm him down.

"I see, thank you Mr. Potter for letting me know. I understand you're in a very difficult position but I want you to know that I think you're doing quite a remarkable job."

James' chest swelled with pride, glad a professor could notice his efforts, because he really was trying his bloody best. He noticed his professor glance at the fireplace that was behind James and smile softly letting out a breath of relief. Though maybe it was a sigh? James couldn't be certain nor did he care much, he just needed to know Professor Corbyn would handle things.

"Can you fix him?"

"I'll try to talk to him, Mr. Potter but when I tried speaking to him before Mr. Black refused to speak to me and I can't force any of my students to do so."

"If I can get him to come do you think you can get him to eat or something, please professor I'm really worried about him."

"Yes I see that and of course I will try James however if I can't you may need to take him to the matron. ...Why is that so displeasing to you?"

James wondered vaguely how his professor knew he didn't want Sirius going to the matron since he was pretty sure he was keeping a neutral face. James had been trying to be better at his poker face because Sirius kept beating him at the bluffing card game called Wizard's Buffoon, only he knew he still did a pretty bad job at it. James wished he could get Sirius to play cards with him, he didn't even think he'd be mad at Sirius as long as he was nicer to Remus going forward and would go back to normal!

"Mr. Potter?"

"Sorry…..it's because I think the matron knows….about Remus I mean…...and about what happened…..and I don't want her being mad at Sirius sir."

"Surely you don't think Madam Pomfrey would let her feelings get in the way of her duties as matron? I'm sure she'd give Sirius the appropriate tonics."

"She already doesn't like us sir and I don't want her not letting us visit Remus when he's in there anymore than she already does."

Professor Corbyn smiled at that seeming amused.

"I suppose that makes sense. However I think you'll find the matron will be more open to you visiting Mr. Lupin now that you know about his condition…..assuming you don't rile him up too much that is," Professor Corbyn pointed out.

He hadn't really considered that before!

"That's a good point. Professor Corbyn, do you think I should just take him there?"

"Well I'd like to talk to him first if he's alright with it. I know he cares deeply about Mr. Lupin but I also know he has…..very strong feelings about dark creatures and I would like to check in with him to assure he can keep those things separate."

James nodded keeping his mouth shut on just how strong those feelings Sirius had were and why. Feeling a bit uncomfortable as he got the sensation that Professor Corbyn very much wanted to know why too he shifted slightly glancing at the now pale yellow flames. Knowing their professor was sharp and curious made James think twice about bringing Sirius here. But he realized Professor Corbyn was the best chance Remus and Sirius had of ever getting back to the friendship they had before and he figured it was worth the risk.

"Well Mr. Potter I think I've taken up enough of your time. I thank you for...enlightening me about some things regarding Mr. Black. I sincerely hope to see him here soon but either way I recommend he goes to see Madam Pomfrey alright?"

"Alright sir. Thank you professor Corbyn."

"What for Mr. Potter?"

"Well…..for listening and knowing about Remus and….I guess for caring…." James explained awkwardly, feeling a bit foolish but also so grateful for his professor who he still had faith in to somehow help Sirius. Professor Corbyn smiled widely at him.

"You're very welcome Mr. Potter."

….

How Sirius found himself sitting in front of Professor Corbyn he wasn't entirely sure. He found the office uncomfortable and the flames from the fire distracting as they kept leaping from color to color. He turned his chair slightly so he didn't have to see the ugly flames, because really what kind of professor wanted his fireplace to have grey and brown flames? Sirius stared down Professor Corbyn waiting for him to speak, the tension inside him growing and growing.

He felt awful! He felt the worst he had ever felt before and he was sure this professor was judging him. Judging him for being a close-minded bigot, for hurting his friend, and losing his damn mind in that shack. He just knew Professor Corbyn was looking down on him, and while Sirius felt like utter crap for being so cruel to Remus and was terrified they'd never be friends again he wasn't about to let this….this man who never had to struggle with the hate Sirius found in his heart towards dark creatures make him feel worse than he already did!

His professor couldn't possibly understand him.

Professor Corbyn was never tortured by a dark creature only to find out Remus was one. Remus….Remus was a werewolf. Sirius curled in on himself holding back a sob.

How was that still so hard to accept?

He'd been torturing himself over it for days, replaying each cruel word he had said to his friend and trying with all his might not to still mean it slightly. Sirius felt tears dribble off the tip of his nose. He was the worst kind of person. James had been right in saying he was like his family. Sirius hated his family more than dark creatures, in fact he was pretty sure his family were dark creatures.

He hated himself.

"Would you like a handkerchief Mr. Black?" Professor Corbyn asked gently. Sirius straightened about to tell Corbyn no and to get up and leave because he sure as hell wasn't being held here against his will. James said he had to go which he had assumed to mean he was in trouble. But what was the worst Corbyn could do if he didn't cooperate...give him detention? Sirius deserved detention, Dumbledore hadn't given him any punishment at all which didn't make sense. He knew the headmaster had said Sirius was punishing himself enough but what did that even mean? And why couldn't stupid Dumbledore just punish him so maybe he could then begin to feel like he had paid sightly for what he had done to Remus?

Because it hadn't just been that awful utterly dreadful night in the shrieking shack, which technically had NOT been Christmas as it had passed midnight. ...But this Christmas had been a pretty terrible one even without finding out Remus' secret and behaving like a complete arsehole because of it. Which was a point of great

"Mr. Black…...are you alright?"

Sirius sat up intending to get up and go for real this time only to find his professor holding out the handkerchief, the stupid handkerchief. Seeing this young professor with a handkerchief made Sirius think of Remus and how last year the eleven year old boy had offered him a handkerchief, not even seeming to realize how weird a gesture that was coming from a child.

Thinking of Remus hurt so much.

Sirius took the handkerchief before he realized he was doing so and wiped his eyes glaring at Professor Corbyn who watched him thoughtfully for a few moments, glancing at the fire before leaning forward slightly. Still expecting to be in trouble in some way Sirius couldn't help but jerk back slightly and he didn't at all like the something close to confirmation that meant he must truly be paranoid to think he was seeing on his professor's face. Because there was no way he could know about Sirius' parents and grandparents! No way he could know about the cane that Sirius would be whacked with or the stinging curse that would leave welts on his back and legs, or…..or the dementor.

Sirius shuddered and hated the look of sadness that Professor Corbyn directed at him

"What do you want?" Sirius demanded sounding hostile, which surely would result in detention.

"What do you think I want Mr. Black?" Professor Corbyn asked gently, leaning back in his chair, still regarding Sirius closely. Far too closely.

"Just give me my detentions and let me leave," he snapped, crossing his arms in defiance.

"Do you want detention, Mr. Black?"

The question threw him off. Want detentions? He never wanted detention! What a ridiculous question, a stupid question that should not make him cry as it did. Dammit, what was wrong with him!

"yes…..I know….I should be in trouble…." he heard himself choke out in horror.

"Why?"

"Why?! WHY?," Sirius shouted, jumping to his feet which neither seemed to surprise nor bother Professor Corbyn and which only served to infuriate him further. "I'll tell you why. Because I can't stop thinking Remus is a monster. I know he's not, I bloody know he's not. I shouldn't be afraid of him I shouldn't….." Sirius sunk into his chair burying his face into the stupid handkerchief.

"Why?" Professor Corbyn asked calmly, once more surprising Sirius.

"Why what?" he asked angrily, wanting to see some sort of annoyance or even fear in his professor's eyes but only finding a sort of calm that made him feel uneasy.

"What about you finding Remus to be dangerous equates needing detention."

"Are you stupid?" Sirius asked, a bit surprised at himself for talking in such a way to a professor. But when Corbyn didn't yell at him he kept on going, "because I'm his friend and I hurt him. I said terrible things to him that I knew I shouldn't have... I couldn't seem to stop. I was awful to him and I deserve to be punished because of it."

Sirius expected another 'why' but none came. He breathed heavily, his chest rising and falling rapidly as the silence stretched and stretched and he grew more and more uncomfortable.

"I called him a monster and the way he was crying…..it was awful….and then…... I didn't mean to but I just couldn't stop….I was so frightened and I didn't even seem to be seeing him…."

"That must have been really scary," professor Corbyn remarked softly.

"It was!" Sirius wailed, "I knew Remus was hiding something for the longest time and I wanted to know what but I thought it had something to do with his dad…" Sirius froze but when Corbyn didn't ask what he meant by that he continued, "I didn't think he was…...was…. that he was hiding being some monster!"

"Do you feel betrayed?"

"Yes!"

"Because he lied to you?"

"No, it's because he's a monster because….he's…..he's one of them…."

"One of them?" his professor asked softly, a mere whisper and Sirius knew, he knew he should stop talking but Corbyn seemed to have woven some sort of spell around him and he couldn't stop the words from pouring from his mouth.

"A dark creature. Like a dementor….I saw one, James told me it was Remus... that I pulled away from Remus and that's why he left. But I wasn't seeing him. I swear I wasn't. I just was seeing awful things…...that dark creature….but Remus is one too…... I don't want to be around a dark creature….I don't want to be hurt by one... again..." Sirius ranted a sort of frenzy of emotions overtaking him that almost felt good to let out. But then he realized what he had said….what he had voiced and he fell quiet shaking in his chair.

If Professor Corbyn was smart enough to question if he looked too closely. Sirius didn't know what his parents would do to him if they found out he'd told. Crucio him? While his mother never had before, there had been threats. Sirius knew nothing good would come from some stupid good doer adult alerting the authorities.

"Mr. Black is it Remus' fault he's a werewolf?"

Sirius let out the breath he had been holding.

"Yes!" he exclaimed despite feeling horrible about it.

"Why?"

"He should have been more careful!"

"What if he was very young."

Sirius stopped breathing again, looking up at Professor Corbyn who seemed sad but still infuriatingly calm. Did this man not care? Did he not wonder why Sirius had been hurt by a dementor?

"How…..young?"

Professor Corbyn shook his head slightly, a small smile on his face.

"Mr. Black I take the confidence of my students seriously and this is not a detail Mr. Lupin would want disclosed. I am merely asking you if you would feel it would be Remus' fault if he had been very young. How young let's say would he have to be for what happened to him to not be his fault?"

Sirius furrowed his brow thinking about the question realizing he couldn't assign a number. Why was five different than six or eight different from nine? Even if Remus had been bitten before starting Hogwarts last year, since Sirius knew it had at least been before then, that still seemed really young.

"I…... I don't know…." he admitted wearily.

"Let's say you brother Regulus was bitten over the summer would you blame him?"

"No!" Sirius cried outraged at the notion. His brother was an idiot sure but there was no way Sirius would blame him if some monster attacked him.

"Why is Remus different? You know he was at the very least younger than Regulus at the time he was bitten correct."

Sirius was beginning to see where this was going and a sort of weight settled on his chest as he nodded. Shouldn't that make him feel better? Why was he still so upset?

"...Remus he….he knows better….," he explained to his professor.

"Why?"

Because he's like me!

Sirius was confused by that though since he knew Remus and him were very different people. In fact, the fundamental difference of Remus being a werewolf where Sirius wasn't was for starters a huge difference. But as Sirius began to think about it he realized he thought Remus should know better…. Not because he was older than Regulus but because Remus had been hurt by his family... had been in a similar position to Sirius. Didn't that make him more mature than others?

But what if Remus had been really really young?

"Why is this so hard!" he exclaimed, angry tears of frustration pricking his eyes.

"Because you've been badly hurt by dark creatures," Professor Corbyn replied so matter of factly and calmly that Sirius hardly even took note of what he had said.

"But that doesn't mean Remus will hurt me...right?"

"Do you think he will?"

"No…...no never!" Sirius growled out, then realized what he had just confirmed for Professor Corbyn. "Stop that!" he snarled.

"Stop what?"

"You're tricking me, stop it. What are you doing to me? Did you drug me?"

"Mr. Black I assure you the only magic in this room is the fireplace which eases and absorbs some of the emotions in the room to improve the level of calm and safety from my students and if you wish me to stop it I will. But you have not been charmed or drugged. I am merely listening to you as you deserved to have someone do a long time ago."

"Why aren't you asking me questions then?" Sirius asked confused. His professor knew he had been hurt by dark creatures, badly. But somehow didn't think it was worth talking about?

"Do you want me to?"

"No," Sirius replied sharply and gaped as Professor Corbyn raised his hands in a gesture of simple surrender.

"Then I won't Mr. Black. I respect your privacy, though I would like to point out that if you'd like to talk to me about it I will listen."

Sirius sat there absolutely stunned having never met a man quite like his professor before. Somewhere along the way this strange man had gained Sirius' respect, which was something he never would have imagined Professor Corbyn would ever have. Stranger yet Sirius oddly found himself trusting the professor both because he didn't tell Sirius anything about Remus that he didn't already know Sirius knew, which he supposed could be because his professor also didn't know, but Sirius didn't think so.

Then the fact that his professor was actually not asking him about the dementor when he actually seemed concerned about it still was making Sirius actually want to talk to him….just a little and certainly not about the dementors. But as Sirius uncrossed his arms he decided to let his professor help and began to actually talk to him about Remus, wanting things to go back to how they were.

By the end of their talk Sirius realized things wouldn't be the same with Remus but that wasn't necessarily bad. Sirius had hurt Remus but that didn't mean he couldn't make it up to him. No one had ever tried to make it up to Sirius when they badly hurt him. So as foolish and stupid as not thinking of it himself sounded Sirius hadn't really considered the fact that he could regain Remus' trust and friendship. Because if there was one thing Sirius was determined to do better with upon leaving Professor Corbyn's office was that he would not be like his parents.

"How are you feeling mate?" James asked, getting to his feet when Sirius walked outside. James looked nervous, looking Sirius up and down as if expecting to find the answer to if Sirius was better or not.

"Checking me out James? Like what you see," Sirius teased and James leaped forward with a shout of relief and joy, pulling Sirius into a tight hug.

"Good to have you back mate, it's bloody good to have you back."

Sirius hugged James feeling something he hadn't felt in days, hope.

He supposed Professor Corbyn wasn't that bad after all...

"Ow," he shouted as James hit him over the head.

"Now that you look alive again I can be mad at you. And I am Black I'm bloody pissed!" James exclaimed, though still seemed a bit too excited and relieved to get the glare entirely correct. But Sirius knew James was mad as he should be.

"I know James and I'm really sorry. I don't know what came over me…. I really am sorry."

"It's not me you need to apologize to."

"I know."

"So….you'll be his friend?" James asked nervously. Sirius considered the question because Professor Corbyn had surprisingly given Sirius permission not to be friends with Remus if he wanted to. Explaining that if Remus' lycanthropy was a deal-breaker for the friendship that it would hurt Remus but hurt less than Sirius pretending it wasn't

"Of course. If….well if he still wants to be," Sirius declared because he knew nothing would stop him from being friends with Remus. He knew he still had to get used to the idea of him being a werewolf but Professor Corbyn had explained lycanthropy again, and for the first time Sirius had actually listened...so he wasn't afraid anymore. Upset Remus had hid it for so long, even though he was painstakingly aware of why, but no longer afraid.

"Ow," James exclaimed as Sirius whacked him over the head.

"That's for hiding from me that you knew you twat!"

"Arsehole."

"Dick head!"

"Flying monkey cock sucker."

"Baked bunion-smelling bastard."

James and Sirius both glared at each other before they started laughing. As they headed to the kitchens, since James declared Sirius had better eat a feast tonight so he didn't worry, James threw his arm around Sirius' shoulder.

"It really is good to have you back mate. Now we just need Remus back."

Exactly. Now they just needed Remus back, and Sirius had a lot of apologizing to do. More apologizing than he would ever before consider doing. However, if anything he was eager to do it. But first Remus had to return, and Sirius really hoped that would be soon.


End file.
